finally found him

 So yeah today was the first time that I went to go talk to somebody. His name is Chris, he is white , like 5'10" dirty blond/ light brown sort of half way spiked and messy at the same time hair, blue eyes, dressed a lil preppy but I was able to talk to him. So I put that I had never gone there but I guess he found the record... anad asked if I had gone like 2 years ago and I said yes because it was true. After we had talked for a long time and we talked about suicide stuff he asked me if I ever had the real strong thoughts if I would call the office and stuff so they can get help for me. It was kind of funny because I was sort of going around the question and answering vague answeres but he finally told so can you tell me that you will do it... and I guess I had to say yes. But I asked in reality do you really think that I would call and he looks at me and said yes he does. I don't know but he was easier to talk to, I liked the way he tried to make me feel better and pretended to know that I was smart and beautiful.  He was trying to make me feel better, and he knew I was looking at him, he understood my facial expressions which I like because I was communicating without words at points. HE is going to be a great psychologist when he gets older. I mean I was talking from my heart and telling him stuff and he was very calm about it. He was able to talk to me and I liked that he tried to talk. I even asked him for examples of things so that he can explain a lil bit more... So for next week and suppose to suppose to think of a few different ways that will help me communicate my feeling I have to my parents b/c of how they make me feel. I have thought of 2 so far: I know I can write them a letter and leave for the day so that they can think and when I can get back we can think or I can get them together like how I did when I told them I was pregnant but I know I am going to start crying before I even talk and I almost feel like they are going to think I am pregnant again which would be very funny( well not really) but I think he is going to help me a little. He seems very motivated and a very good listener. He is kind of cute, what am I talking about he is cute. haha don't worry I know nothing can ever happen I am never their type and besides I am fat, nobody likes a fat chick that is why Art left me and I haven't been able to find anybody.  Well yup that is that....