Ok, So I finally can write a little. Although I've been wanting to write for some time but haven't had time but stuff i guess... things accumulate and  sometimes they suck. So yesterday I was scolded... yeah not by  my parents... I am too negative, I am to negative and I am too negative. Apparently everything I write in Facebook is negative so now I have to censor what I write. ok I guess... But, the sad thing is that I now feel like screaming... writing 140 characters worth of comments are what keep me going because I do have a lot of negativity within but I am flowing it out... now I feel I am keeping it... and it's not as easy removing it as saying it and telling it go. I know he means well and he wants me to succeed and he sees this potential but it's like havnig my dad see over everything I say and write... I have no life... friends who are negative have no right, no say in me so I should talk to them... and I need to succeed. I feel happy someone cares that much but at the same time I am saddened... Have you ever felt like you have something you have to do or say and it's aching to pop out of your chest but you can't let it out... well that's how I feel. I don't feel like having a facebook or myspace... Instead of having supportive friends, now I am being critised and a little being told what to write... I don't like putting something unless I wanna, unless it's something from... I guess the only things that I will allow are going to be a few things. I know I am a negative person but I have come a long way. When I was being told that everything I put are too personal (which I know) and negative (which I don't think) I felt put down. I thought I was doing better but there it is someone seeing the negative of what I write... not good even to change a life prospective. I am trying I really am... too me the progress I have made even since march it great... I am trying not to be in a depressive mode anymore... sure on a rare ocassion I feel an urge but I am a lot more happier... it's that I am just not understood anymore... or maybe the attention that I want and sometime crave I am not getting. I guess I might be understood  a little more than I thought and being pointed out my negative flaws I have and come a long way is not easy. It's not easy when you have fought depression since the age of 11 and was such a shy person even when I started school at the age 4 that  I couldn't interact with kids... So what if I am still struggling a little but far less than before. I interact wellwith others... although I do catch my self rollingmy eyes a bit more, getting annooyed at people... recently I don't know what is wrong with me...  sometimes I feel like I am faking.
I don't care who reads it... It'smy right to have people read whatever I write. I'm the author... I choose what I say if people don't like it  don't read it or forget about it. They tell me I am going to be judge with what people read... like I dont' know that... I've been judge my whole like and why? Well mainly because I wouldn't say a word. Now, I know people judge me and sure they feel they have a right but I don't care because it's no longer up to them.... it's now up to me. There will always be those who hate and who like us and will have to deal with it... But I am trully tired of hiding... I am tired of it... I am going to be honest.