We must do to survive and I think that I am finally beginning to understand life a little more. As the days pass I feel I am maturing and not that sensation we had when we were 16-17 where we thought we knew it all. But now I feel I know less than I thought what I knew then but the difference is that I am more sure about the insecurities that torn me apart then. I think I have a potential to be a good person but I still have a long way to go. I think I will learn how to be a better person when I stop allowing people to take advantage of my being too nice. I guess it's hard saying no sometimes even when due circumstances makes things more difficult. With my son by my side, there many things of motherhood which I need to learn. People can tell me all they want how to handle a child like mine but all I can say is that tactics you may use on your (if you have one) have bee tried and have not worked til now. People tell me talk to him and explain things to him... (yeah, I am sure that you kids has a "it's my way or the highway" mentality. right... ) No compromising and he doesn't accept bribes ... you could take away what he likes and he wont care will just go on doing whatever he wants. I am sure school will change him a lot without a doubt but when I really start thinking about it, I worry a bit. Not for his sake ( I mean I care for him but I am sure he will be fine) but more for his teacher.
He does fine with adult authority but I do not understand why he acts up when I am around.
IDK.... I guess that is life and that is what we need to find out about our kids. A mother's job... I guess that is the sort of thing that we need to find out before we have kids... firstly find our gene pool with both sides of parents and then find out the other side's genes. At first glance for a few years they can look great and as times passes you can realize you were completely wrong in some aspects and you can do anything about it but pay for the choices you had made once. Even worse when you have a total replica but in child form so more needy..... Hahaha! Isn't life just great! If it wasn't for her jokes I don't know what I would do... haha.... (sarcastic laugh)
On another hand, My mom's recovery is going great! She is going strong and getting better day by day. MOre stress at times but she is taking baby steps and one day at a time. sometimes it seems like she is a little depressed but times are a little tough and not much we can do. But I think the move out here to Apple Valley has really helped her. It is so peaceful and quiet. We don't see very many cars so that is nice. Big yard... my parents are starting to plant things and I want to do flowers my self also. New environment and we needed it.
My Grandma is here with us too and we think she is depressed a little. She has been a little sick to her stomach and a lot of things happened leading to my having to be hospitalized so that didn't go well with her. I just want her to stay here with us and relax and not do anything. But she doesn't want to stay for too long. See she is going to be 77 in June and she watches over her aunt who is like prolly 90 some....i don't think that is a good combo... she needs us to watch her now... not be watching his older model of her dying slowly but surely. You know what I mean. Well she also gets paid but she doesn't need money, for what? It's not like she spends it, everybody always gives her what she needs.... I hope she decides to settle and stay here. She will be better off I think. I really Do!
Sorry for random thought!.... heheheh
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