Life is never at happy or at sad as one may perceive it to be. But, for me mine is happy. This month has been one of the best years as teaching will go. I have 6 clarinet students committed to my teaching and 2 beginning piano students of the ages of 7 & 8 who really have fun and enjoy learning all the little piano and few piano fingering they have coming their way.  It seems like there is a possibility I might have one more clarinet student but that is still unsure. I don't know but it seems as this is the opportunity I had been waiting for for quite a while and I am exciting and hoping I can start expanding this small empire... As some might know I am also in this MLM home base-business which I also love because I get to meet knew people and give the people the ability to try health and beauty products that are genuinly natural but somebody asked me how my business is doing and well it sadly dropped because of a lack of communication with my customers when I lost my phone a few months ago. Sad... but as I have told many I can rebuild that business without a doubt but I will never leave my bigger passion of teaching those kids who are less fortunate to learn something worth learning like in public schools. There is so much to offer and many don't know that it exists.

On a sad note, well not really. It seems like we will be moving for a 3rd from in 1 & 1/2 years.... Well it's still up in the air but We've started getting the papers from the owners about them losing their home... So I don't know...

It seems as I expected. I think 2010 will be a fine year for me personally. I know it's still to early but I have the best students who are willing to learn and so everything I ask them. Sure I scold them every once in a while but who doesn't need a friendly reminder that they need to practice. Today I have a couple of students auditoning for an honor band and well I am sure that if they did what I told them to do and they concentrate will will do great.
As for me a had a little down time. Luckily for me my students were in Disneyland on thursday so I had to switch all my lessons from thursday to friday. But on thursday I lost my voice for the first time in my life. It was so weird because I don't even talk or squeak. It was kind of funny. As the day progressed I lost it more and more into nothingness... My whispers weren't even loud either... I couldn't speak and my brother and his friend took advantage to change everthig I was saying into what they wanted everyone else to think. It was like a small rhyming game for them but I couldn't defend myself but it was just them poking a little fun at me which made me laugh as well. Anyways I am at the library and it seems like my throat wants to begin coughing and well I can't do that in such a quiet place. I am hoping I can get internet soon.

So I guess the age does feel a little different this time. I am officially in my mid 20s leading to my late 20s but the odd thing as I is as I start to feel old because of the number.... I still feel as alive or more as when I was 17... I feel as though I didn't start living until this last year. It's almost as if I had been dead for such a long time and now even though life sucks and there is nothing to do and very little money I feel alive. The good thing at 25 is that my insurance rates go down.... yay! (such a nerd) but it's true. Although, I have a ticket from Oct 2008 which means I have another year in a half for it to clear. But regardless I think I have a pretty good driving record.  Danny is now 4 so he allows a me a little more time for me which I really need. Oh and the plus side of that is he gets to go to school in  July. I am excited and he is excited too but he really has his hopes up to go to Music School.... it was so cute last night because my sister came over and Danny was running about  in his undies and well all of a sudden he got dressed and  put on his back-pack... packed it with his drumsticks and told my sister that he was ready to go to music school. I think it's adorable he wants to learns music so badly but it makes me a little scared that he will reject regular school becuase it's not to his expectations.... I don't know but I guess it's something we all learn to deal with. Lately he has been drawing a lot of Happy faces and he is starting to understand a little more when I say no but it's really hard sometimes. He can be a really tough cookie.

Last niight we were all watching movies well except him because I sent him to sleep. And I think it was like 3 in the morning and I learn little quiet sobbing... so I go and check on him and he was crying softly. I didn't understand... he never cries like this before... he is usually very dramatic about the way he cries and want every body to know he is upset and unhappy. So I asked him what was wrong and he didn't say anything... so I give him a hug and give him a kiss... I do "the cross" for him so he gets peace and he lays down. I think he thought I left him or something because we sleep together and I wasn't there... I don't know but it made me sad seeing him cry like that.

Anyways I am a little excited about this week... I am hoping I am busy! It's about time school starts. I am a little frightened and scared for one of my brothers thought... he has no school tomorrow welll he does but he has court early morning.  Boys will be boys and sometimes a little stupid. I hope that the judge takes  his case and doesn't sent it a level higher like the cop said it might. God help up all... we're all strugglin' and aint getting easier but we're trying....

Wow, I think this year will be great. I don't know if it's too early but it seems like I am going to have a great start. i know I will have down falls but who doesn't anyways. I feel it's going to be a prosperous year.

Well the only thing I am not looking is well turning 25 but I guess that is unavoidable unless I die tonight but as of the 7th that will be my new age lol. I guess I can say that all my childhood dreams were not complete at all as of now but one thing I can say is that I am almost sure that I am done having kids by 25 but still unsure.

So many things have happened but I think a good end of year. Our Christmas was poor but it was nice. My sis was the only one who gave people in the fam presents... poor thing, she is broke right now. But she gave Danny a bicycle which he loves and she gave me and Danny a DVD player. We didn'texpect anything of that type but she sacrificed herself to being us a little happiess without being selfish.

I went and started the New Year in my traditional way, not with Family but with my friends. We all drink together once a year and spend the time there.  I wouldn't have it any other way every year.

Started Teaching PIano lessons once again. I have one 7-year old and about to add another 7 year to my sunday schedules and next week start my daily lessonns of the clarinets. I am so excited.

The only thing that if I do my taxes this year and if I happen to get something back I wont. I owe because of my school loans but if it helps bring  down my debt then so be it.


Cheers to being 25! and hopefully a great and prosperous year!

Sorry so scattered and not well articulated....

To be honest and frank... I am very sleepy, tired, anxious, frustrated... disappointing. But that is just how I am feeling withing... but how I feel outside...or whatever if anybody understand: I feel with more energy(but I am tired today -well my eyes are), happy, excited (don't know about what), at peace. I need a drink.... So all  of that is just running through... I guess you can say a little of it all comes out even the anger sometimes...I get so frustrated when guys say yeah call me or text me when ever you want... and then they don't respond.... some "Boy are stupid!" and I don't know why I want to become involved  but I do... you know why... I am going to make their life miserable... jk... I am not but I am :) oh but no more babies... If they want to travel and have fun they can tag along... I am not being tied down anymore...tired... so tired....

girls need an emotional out sometimes...well i do

It was my time for a good cry. I need to swell up these eyes and realize that it is okay.  Sometimes we just feel like we want to cry. I know guys, why would to want to do that? Anyways, so many things happen on daily basis in our lives that sometimes all that anger, frustration, anxiety, and disillusionment build up and we don’t know how to get rid of it. As for me, I know letting some good tears always makes me feel better the next day and maybe almost relaxed. A feeling that we’re not broken, everything was always okay. How did I make myself cry? No, not reminiscing but I just finished watching The Notebook.

I have always been a hopeless romantic… how girlyish, I know! As I grew up I always dreamt of the guy that would sweep me off my feet. You know “My Prince Charming” and as I got to middle school I started realizing that it wasn’t going to be easy. Not being as attractive or pretty or more of having a lack of a personality wasn’t going to help any. I always lived in this dream world. I dream world that doesn’t exist. After I have talked to quite a bit of people and many who I have talked to because they like me… there is still one person who ever made me feel a certain way. I know right now there could be a person who has potential and he sure as hell challenges me but he no longer takes and interest because I broke his heart and for my other factors. It’s not so much all of that because if he really wanted to and I really did too then it would happen but the thing is that life is never in the right position where it should be for people to coincide.  Being a hopeless romantic… I am so that I am getting to a point where I feel it’s  hopeless I will ever become romantically involved… I know right, don’t say that! There is many fish in the sea! Well that may be a fact but another fact was only one person has ever impressed me… Had a form of an impact in my life to be noticed…  I have become a realist in the love sense.

I use to be such a dreamer. Loved it, I lived in la-la land… everyday I thought and thought and thought and about nothing and boys and nothing and boys and what it would be like to have a kiss…and so on and so forth. 

Now, here I am 24 about to be 25… wow mid 20’s, I am now old and not as youthful 1) because of age and 2) because I am a single mom. Who would like to get together with a single mom when they can find a single girl, beautiful and available with all their time? All guys… A guy doesn’t have a list of interests… hmmm let’s see… I want a single mom who has one boy… hasn’t had sex in years… sometimes depressed and who lives with her parents…. Oh yeah, what a catch!  I know I am being negative, and I know this because I have my good qualities which I am not going to list, they’re boring!

Well as much as I have become a realist sure I dream at times but the reality is  that being 25 and be willing to risk it all for a heart break not very likely now I can’t be selfish and only think of myself.  How can I have dreams when my dreams are now to help  raise and aspire for the best.  I am not getting younger.

Also, being a realist, I have realized that in order for some women to have more say, they need a man. No that is not a statement but more of an observation.  Let me tell you why I need one. Ok so I am in a business. I so Multi-Level Marketing on a Consumable product and  If you don’t have a ring on the finger…  you have those old geezers thinking they can hit on you just because they feel it and secondly because if for some reason who work with males people think of you worse. You know what its not only because I work with them and I am single but the fact that I have a kid.  When you have a kid and you’re not married they see you as a tramp (well women so… or failed because you can’t keep a man happy and you have a kid) and men see it as a plus, why? When I man sees a single woman with a child… some see, well she’s at least has had sex so it’s easier to get to her, since she has had sex we can cross boundaries… men tend to be a little less respectful. I don’t know if I am wrong but that is how it seems. I don’t tell people I have a child until it’s very necessary but to just people. I would never enter a relationship without it being known besides I have baby marks… it’s not like I can hide that fact.

Light with shine tomorrow

So after making call after call today and waiting since the 20th, it seems as though tomorrow the 30th we will have lights. It seems like  it takes 10 days of living in the dark after the order was put in, and 14 days of living in the dark since we moved to the new house we will have light. it's been  a struggle because we needed to charge our phones everywhere we went and even my laptop. Right now I am using it but I only have a few minutes left of life. But, since I finally received the call today and I am relieved because we will have light. But, in my room I need to buy a lamp because it has no bulb. AYAYA, lol... but I am just happy though... Sister came to visit today since like sunday.... and I think she is sleeping in my bed with Danny... good times...