So I am going to take a shower so I can go see my grandpa... : ,(

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?

I was thankful that we had a nice Thankgiving with family at my aunt's house. We all got to spent time together and spent it with grnadpa. I was thankful Grandpa was still with us and that he was able to see all his children just as he had wanted...

  
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If the internet weren't around, what would you do with your time instead?

Wow, so if there was no internet I am sure I wouldn't be in contact with family, I wouldn't be involved with current events... What would I be doing? I think I would probably be more productive.  I would probably be out and about and enjoying the outdoors a little more...

  
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So, today there is just another day with  a lot of thoughts. Last night I found out Mabel's car wasn't turning on so I didn't hesitate to let her borrow mine. I know that even though I need it she needs it more besides it's difficult enough loosing the house and not exactly knowing where to go. And, I can't imagine how Art sr. feels. It's the last day they have an opportunity to be and it's his birthday. I am sure this is one rough one but although there are bumps I am sure he'll be fine but then again I am hoping that he will be.

I guess for sure we need to go see grandpa. I don't know but I was a little hesitant to go the last couple of days. I know I should have gone but I am weak. I have always been too weak with my heart and emotions... I guess that is my strongest weakness. It's not easy getting in to my feeling anymore but it is... My mom talked to my Aunt Maria today and I guess the nurse from last night said that he had minutes left. As far as we know we're unsure ... I don't know what to think... and  there is nothing i can do.

What I have realized through many experiences in life is that I now like only what can be manipulated... what can be controlled in a matter of speaking... sure I like spontaneous, I like not knowing what is going to happen but just as I like that I like to control certain times in it's moments and frankly lately there is nothing to be controlled. Everything is uncontrollable... well except a few things which in a matter of speaking I am controlling. I know this seems like jibberish but it sure makes me feel good or not I don't know what I am saying...hahaha... I think I am going crazy...

oh, One thing I think I am actually happy is that I have changed a lot in a year. At least I am not as vulnerable as I was... too much has happened in these last 2 years but this last year has changed my life the most... I think it has been the saddest yet the happiest year of my life...
In lamest terms I guess you can say... I let go of all negativity.. my life is positive although many times it feels that it's down the shit hole....

So I woke up with my whole body aching... my mouth felt like I bit it... That wisdom tooth is really killing me now... I am so tired... Food is not doing me well... Yesterday I barely ate and I was hungry so I tried to eat and after a few minutes there I was in the restroom... my tummy was upset... everything sucks....

Well here I am writing as I should be cleaning or something... maybe even eating because I haven't seen yesterday before I went to teach my lesson. I don't understand but there are so many things on my mind and at the same time there's nothing there. It's bugging me out a little. Well actually I lied... I woke up a little tired today because the irritation in my gum because I have wisdom tooth coming out and the third corner is popping out so I am sure that's why. Today feels like any other day... but at the same time it's not. It's hard to explain all this jibberish. I almost feel as though I am expecting something but what would I be expecting. Although for sure I know I need to go visit my grandpa later to see how he's doing. I know his state isn't going to change but being with family helps a lot. My parents left to Ridgecrest but they'll be back... They always haver the idea that they will find a nice place to live there and originally they wanted me to go with them today but since everything that has happened we decided not to. And besides in reality I didn't want to go ... well enough... I am going to find something to do and maybe if I I have to i'll write later... today or tomorrow because there is something else on my mind...hehehe

man oh man

Man oh man did I wake up with a tummy ache. The food was delicious but wow. I feel awake though but I've been up for a few hours since I went to sleep at 3:30am. I woke up and turned up the TV... I guess we have HBO? Which we shouldn't but I don't know I just hope we don't get charged even more... a few days ago they were blocked and yesterday they were on. I mean I put the security code and parental lock on the main one and no one knows my password. It's funny because I have never trusted but anyways that concerns me a bit. But so Danny and I woke up and he tells me,"Mom I'm sickies" and at the moment I had to go to restroom again...ugh...so we went and my stomach just felt so empty and I all of a sudden became really hungry so I went to throw away the bathroom trash and I saw the little oranges we bought in Sam's club the other day. I took the oranges and Danny and I ate oranges for breakfast while watching Live Free of Die Hard. Now...hahaha I started watching Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio but I am not in the mood for it so I don't know . Right now I am kind of bored and just thinking about stuff... I have come to realize that I have some instincts like my Tia Angelica has because she has the same one I do... It's weird but I'm just thinking about our conversation we had last night. She probably has the same feeling and connection with others that I have as well...