I'm having twins

Nothing is scarier than waking up with two of your calves screaming in pain, wanting to escape your body... it's bad enough when it's one but when it's two...AHHHHHHHHhhhhh!!!!!

You get the picture.

All that talk about pregnancy last night and your family wanting you to have kids and then you realizing that you didn't take your pills right over the weekend creep up bad when you realize that you mainly haven't had your calves hurt that bad since you were pregnant with you son, who is 7 1/2 years old. 

yea that's when the thoughts of conversation creep up... 

And my mom's story with the beans... (Mexican, tall tale) 

Apparently, when they're cleaning the beans if one falls out or something it means 

"BABY"

(according to my dad)

So then my mom reminded my dad that story and then she said she dropped two. 

And my dad said, "TWINS"

And she tells me the story last night, and she laughs telling me that maybe I'll be the lucky one to have twins. They've been on this one for a while. I think they want me to have kids or something... scary!!! 

And every time they bring it up I laugh nervously and want to 

 

My aunt yesterday, was telling me that Danny was older now and it was time for me to have kids. Haha funny people... always trying to give suggestions. 

And I woke up to all those thoughts. And I thought, "Oh shit! I'm having twins"  

But, I'm not. haha You can point a finger and laugh if I do in the next 9-10 months others wise... I'm not! 

Hahahahahaha 

Scary thoughts... 

thanks for reading...

#MadeYouLook 

You are saved...

I know there was a bit of drama with the whole changing of the dead line and what not but be that as a may...

to the undead 

:)

Last Post/Farewell

I saw that xanga is a little over $10,000 short. It makes me sad that it might not make it. As much as I have been on and off since 2004, this place has been my home and the place where I have confined the best.
I'm sure going to miss having all of you in the same page to scan and read posts. Everybody is so scattered now. Mainly most of you are in wordpress. I know I'm not there and that makes it tough but a few of you are in blogger and through that I can follow you in wordpress. I know it's not the same but I will do my best.
This was very fun while it lasted and I'm so glad I met so many of you. Well, I met a handful in person and what a privilege that was. And, instead of meeting some of you I spoke through messages we got to know each other more that way.
I mean I met my boyfriend here @cucumber_melonhead. I was actually looking forward to and when/if we took the leap of faith/life and ever made it official to post about it but none the less the memories here are endless. The memories that started on xanga and became real life are priceless. I can't say how sad I am that this is happening, but I'm glad we talked and you're all wonderful people. You all meant so much to me. *big bear hug*

Xanga has been the place where I was able to vent. The first place I was able to feel as myself and felt people accepted. Never in life had I felt this happy. It came such a part of me that Xanga broke a relationship I was starting, then I met another great person who helped me find myself and ultimately helped me find the love of my life. I'd say this is major for my simple little life.
Thanks to all of you wonderful xangans. Not, only because you're wonderful people but because your posts  helped with issues in life, helped me understand that I wasn't alone, gave me advice, helped me understand different positions and even understand different  religions. I learned I'm  passive when it come to arguments. I found myself here and I gain more confidence. This site what I needed to be me.

Thanks!

Farewell to some and to other's ttyl, and to other's I will see you in other places.
Miss you all...

Love with all my might,
Rey Flores

I borrowed Johnson's glasses, messy hair... ;)

Then we all played water balloons and water fighting with my son. fun times this weekend.

A happy family, indeed! =D

Simply Us! <3

Thank you for reading. Hope you are having a wonderful summer! Peace!!

Follow  me:

pinktiger335.blogspot.com 

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twitter.com/lovelypinktiger

or find me on Facebook just  tell me who you are. =D

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How to contact me

Well I honestly don't know if xanga will survive or not but as much as I love reading other's posts I enjoyed blogging myself. That was what helped me during my years of need. Sadly, even if xanga does make it, wont be able to afford to pay just to blog. I love this site and it's what I've grown the most comfort with. Oh well....

If anybody is ever interested they can surely email me to:
pinktiger335@yahoo.com or pinktiger335@gmail.com

I'm also on twitter:
lovelypinktiger
tumblr:
lovelypinktiger

I'm also on blog spot as well
pinktiger335

My son is going to 2nd

So for those of you you who have been around and gave me advice I want to say thank you and I appreciate. My son has been promoted to the 2nd grade and I couldn't be happier. I still have work to do but I'm happy he is given the chance. He was working harder and he's reading better. Now that must continue for more success.

I'm happy I got the news yesterday with his report card.

I'm still saddened about the situation of Xanga but what can we do? I will surely miss this place. But, I can say it has brought me a lot of peace when I was able to express myself and more importantly it brought me the love of my life to me. Too bad we wont be able to post about it in the future but this place brought many gifts to us and I will always appreciate this place for that.

Nothing's wrong mind you...
 But something I get these thoughts and I know they're not nice or good... I try fighting them making and them go away. I've been hiding them them forever. It's like they just don't want to leave me. Lately they've been worse and I feel so guilty. It burns my inside. I'm trying harder.
All I see is myself at the end of the edge just waiting to leap. It feels like everything will be all better that way. But, then I wonder for who. you know? I just feel like lately I do is put people down, like my mood is disappointing and I'm hating myself for it. I feel needy but who likes that so I repress. I feel a bit anxious too. I'm overwhelmed with myself. It sometimes feel like if I go, everybody would be relieved. it's not like anybody really remembers. But, let's be honest I'm not those kinds of people. I just need a release, and nothing gives it to me. I use to cut to make me feel better from this place but I can't even do that. There isn't a place I can hide. I don't need time off, I don't need to go away but useless sometimes.
You gotta love these hormones lately. I pity when I feel this way. It's like being on the outside looking in with disgust. All I really want is a drink. I just want to see why other's drink to feel better. I don't want to get drunk though. I wont buy alcohol though. I don't like buying stuff really.
My mind is tired of talking to itself. It's going around in circles it doesn't have clarity at the moment.
I'm a grownup everything is suppose to make sense. Everything is suppose to be together already. As I get older I feel I'm losing control and I feel more like a child. Like with age I'm losing wisdom.
I wake up so many times at night. During the day, time flies... my life is running away... Am I really alive at the moment?
I should really be grateful for life. I have a beautiful son, a loving and caring boyfriend... I have 2 arms and legs ... I get to teach my passion a couple times a month. I don't know what's wrong with me? Why do I feel this way...
Why do the tears not stop at times. Maybe, it's because it's night time?
Other times I really really want a baby... I actually find myself wanting a child for the first time in my life.
Then, I wonder why would I want to ... I feel selfish thinking about the future. Then I fight myself back and forth. The really wanting a child wins but I don't know ... I know I wont be alone. But, I'm afraid of being alone again.
This must all be normal. I don't know... *sigh*
Why  does my brain do this... Sometimes it feels like it masks my weakness with strength... I'm not strong at the moment. If somebody were to ask me to explain further, I'd be stumped. I have no explanation for feeling worthless. I just do. i have no reason for wanting to end it, I just have a reasons not to. How can I feel so my discontent when life is beautiful and I see happiness in everyday... That's what I dont get. Why?
And why do I sometimes still feel alone? Am I doing something wrong?
It seems like my heart is racing less so maybe i'm feeling better, for now.

 use to be so competitive when I was young. I was not skinny or too athletic but it would never have stopped me to try and have a lil one on one... I had friends who excelled in school so I naturally tried harder. I wanted to come close to their brain capacity. I was ok and kept at it to not stay behind. Competition with them and myself and strive.

I excelled in many ways. I was young so goals were small. I beat them all at the driving test and driving permit. How many did you miss? They were boys... of course they wanted to make sure they knew more than I did. But, when it came down to paper at that point it didn't matter. I felt triumphant. In music many seeked my help and nothing like blowing up my shy, weird, always wearing black, being made fun of by others, self... I didn't care then.Well, i did but then my innocent self who craved love and understanding felt she was forever alone and i understood that then. I wanted small things in life. Well I did want love and to be wanted. But who doesn't.

There was certainly one thing I beat many of my friends. I certainly lost my virginity first and not only that. I was the first to have my very own child, the first to lose hope and get lost. The first to have to grow up, the first to learn the hard way and the first to find herself being dead weight among her friends.

I was the first to lose hope, to be lost and the first again to feel forever alone. It was a funny joke life through at me but I wasn't laughing. I silent most of my life crying in dismay. I learned many things in life , maybe not the hardest way but, in a not so easy manner. The lessons learned have taught me a lot And one thing for sure is for others to avoid this.

Its avoidable pain. Well maybe it's not. I don't know. I'm glad I've learned a lot and I have more.

I still feel lost in life. I met the small goals in life and they took me no where. Feel a victim of certain circumstances but not due to my son that no matter what, was a choice. I hope one day I find another passion that will actually lead me to success. My passion now is A money less investment but a love no less. With the love I have in my life I know everything will fall in place. I pray the economy gets even more so better.