I'm not too political when it comes to it all. I am into Voting and knowing facts and making sure what we're getting into is something important as well. I take into view how articulate the people are and how they try to speak to the people. I really don't like liars or when people get caught in lies because they're discredited, depending of the context.
I was speaking to this man who was apparently very conservative and he directed me to the movie Obama's 2016 but unfortunately I still haven't watched it but I am curious. Now it was obviously we disagreed politically and no matter what we said it was a disagreement which was why he directed me to the movie. He said "every person who votes for Obama is wrong".... wait what? Who died and made him in charge of what's right from wrong? But he was basing it on nonsense, his spiels were incoherent. He also stated that because Obama took "God" away from the US the whole country was going to be converted Muslim. Yea, that will be a piece of cake in 4 years after seeing how difficult it was for reforms and more positive changes.
His argument was Obama is for "change." And the America that "you [I] know will be gone" - his words.
I don't know about you but I started thinking about the word "change" and to me it was a positive feel. I want change I need Something more.
The America I remember is full of fear, despair, living under false pretenses. But you know what? That's not the America I want to know. There are parts of history that are embedded into our hearts and minds and daily lives but it's not how we're defined as people. I want my peace of mind. I want work, I want my rights, I want to be able to be pro-life because I choose to be (and not like China where you can have 2 kids only) I don't want women to feel victimized or their freedom taken away. I don't believe in abortion but you can't force in come cases to be condoned. It's idiotic. It's your right to have a choice and that's your voice and how it should be. No government should have that much control over us. I want for people to stop being selfish and start thinking of the country's future which is the kids. Stop taking funding from the schools. We need smarter kids not stupider who only join the military because there's nothing else out there. We need to give hope to kids. We need to let them dream again. We need to tell them they could be anything they want if they keep reading and if parents read to their kids everyday, and they learn math and language skills and how to be courteous with others. If kids join the military it's because that is their calling and they chose their path and they have their plans. Not everybody can be one thing because we need people to go to college and become Doctors and nurses and computer science techs and parents, and teachers and etc...
People have gotten so much into its a "me world" they're selfishly looking out for number 1 and let the world fuck itself over. This mentality needs to change. Parents need to give credibility to the teachers or have an open mind instead of I'm ready to attack for any stupid thing. If you know how your kids are why blame the teacher, she/he is only doing the best interest of the child. But for the same reason no person/teacher has the right to tear away a dream or tell someone they can't do something. That's where the life of a kid goes wrong.
We as people need to nurture the future and help mold them into great citizens. Citizens that will vote for what they believe. Its our responsibility to make this possible. A president as much as he has power he can't do all the changes without the cries and pleas of the people. We need to make sure we're doing our part.
This is how I will not get the America I use to know but the America I want for my kid. Civic duties are important and stop complaining you have jury duty.. do you prefer one person choose your fate or a group of your peers as the law states?
Friday, November 2, 2012
I can't believe it's been a year already...
A year ago this lonely girl found herself disappointed with life. The work day didn't go well. A dinner with friends and a meet-up with a friend all back fired. I found myself feeling like the biggest disappointment in the world. Maybe we all have those days or we don't I don't really know but I felt like no one in the world wanted me.
A quick xanga chat changed that up for me really quickly. And you know what I'm happy and blessed it did. I was scared and untrusting... it's my nature. I told myself what the heck, sure why not...
And I met him ...
@cucumber_melonhead ... Can't believe we met a year ago, today!
I met the love of my life, on an evening 11-02-11
I wasn’t sure was could happen if anything. I just knew he kind of liked me. I guess I picked up on his hints. I guess you just never know where you’re going to meet a person that will impact you. And if I have it correctly he’s impacted me more than anyone has in my whole life already. Well almost haha with the exception of my son… he was definitely a huge impact. Anyways, I was mainly prepared for friendship. God knows how many fail attempts at trying to create relationships and instead finding wrong people who didn’t have good intentions. I’ve had many unhappy moments and my biggest fear is/was hurting people like many have hurt me. It wouldn’t be fair.
I’m usually quiet and sort of shy or was… he said I spoke a lot… maybe I was nervous and couldn’t bare the awkward moments so for once in my life I tried to avoid them. In my mind I was secretly wondering what he was thinking or what he thought of me. Oh well thoughts are always racing all the time. The mall closed early or it felt like so and I didn’t want to leave. Time was just flying too quickly. I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with me.
After that we saw each other every week and texted everyday. And you know what. I don't think that has stopped yet. There have been some instances but it's life and we can't control the whole world but do our best to cope with what we have. To this moment, I never knew I could be this happy. I owe all to him and who he is.
He has gained my trust like no one in the world. He knows everything about me and for once in my life, I'm not scared about that. I guess it feels nice not having to always keep everything until I blow. Besides he knows not to hurts me haha I have 2 bros one is a Marine and the other is about to be. haha jk hun! I can win for myself. ;)
Anyways, this is how we started and how we met. He's earn every way into my heart and the heart of my family. Johnson is a wonderful person and man. I can truly say I've never met anyone like him and hope I will never have to search for someone like him. He's a needle in a haystack and I was fortunate to have met him after well into 26 years of my life... made my whole 27th year a special year. He became my best friend, the man I would love to someday spend the rest of my life with, and for my son to continue learning as much as he has with the love and support of a man. They love each other and that itself always brings happiness, tears of joy and well anything merry you can't think of.
My son is a tough cookie and he fell. Shows us he's a good person. No one ever even had a chance with my boy except for Johnson!
What can I say? I guess it's hard when you feel life is great. Don't get me wrong there are ups and downs but that's the amazing part. Even the downs don't seem to bad when you know that you're healthy, your kid is happy, healthy and does his homework and we don't have a complaint in the world.
Sunday my mom hired this photographer they're the ones who make the glamour shots but she and my grandmothers were the only ones who got their make up done. Well I know what I don't like on my face but that wasn't the reason for the pictures. My brother happened to have finished his training in Florida and is about to head to a Marine Base in North Carolina. His wife is about to have their second baby and my other brother his twin is about to leave for boot camp in a month. Realistically speaking the family will be hardier and harder to put together. Not to mention my grandmothers are older now. Dad's mom is 81 and my mom's mom is 79. They look good but life is weird sometimes. We didn't want to risk anything and this was our first family picture in a decade well with us kids and our parents. I'm glad my mom made it possible.
This week was also Halloween. My sis took my son to pick out a costume. He was a ninja. I took my son and my nephew. My sister in law ended up going too, I was hoping she'd rest since she's very close to having her other baby but we all had fun. We took the kids around. Houses are getting farther and farther away in giving candy. So we didn't take them to fill their bags but to enjoy some nice old fashion trick-o- treatin. Even if parts of our church calls is the devils birthday or people get couped up with weird shit. I took them out with my supervision. And had fun. Came home and slept. Those are happy moments.
Why do you care if I have a new phone? Well you should because it means I can be on xanga here and there and maybe post and maybe read posts now. :) Well you can thank my amazing boyfriend @cucumber_melonhead who has made this possible. I had been struggling with my last phone for quite some time. He is so selfless. If you haven't met him go on over to his page and say hello. He's always so sweet, thoughtful, loving, easy to talk to.
On Saturday we tried staying up to watch the supposed meteor shower. I took a small blanket out and he his jacket. We had taken showers and put my son to sleep because it was passed midnight. We went outside and I was so cold, he gave me his jacket while I insisted he kept it because I don't want him sick. His insisting won lol and he still held me to stop the shivering. We were seeing nothing in the sky :( so we went inside his car to wait... we saw some shooting stars (yes, I know what you're thinking but I've also seen a meteor shower and those were not it) In the wait we had a nice deep conversation. I love talking to him. I've never been able to trust anyone like I've been able to trust him and I do with my life. He knows everything about me and he doesn't judge me for anything. He is the closest friend bff lol boyfriend forever... haha is that what it means? Jk but he is my best friend and I love him for being who he is and that we have the most amazing trust. I love this man with all my heart! <3 I think he's my soul mate.. or psychic lol Nothing in life could be as perfect as it is now and in our relationship. My son calls his parents... more often a "dad" escapes... they love each other! It's endearing!
Ok I'm done for now. Thank him for giving me access to internet! Hahaha
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
I've been wanting to come and write and I even had topics... but goodness my memory lacks the stimulation and I have completely forgotten, granted it was a few days ago. Oh well..
Hope all is well in xangaland... Yes sometimes I need to vent and sometimes I'm still going crazy and now the one who puts up with me is so sweet and gentle. He even holds me when I have nightmares at night and wipes my tears. I could never have asked for such a sweet person in the world.
It's so weird though. I don't understand how I'm' having all these nightmares suddenly in the last few months. I don't ever remember having such impacting nightmares where I wake-up scares, crying, hyperventilating... And sadly they're still engraved in my mind. It's actually have made me more paranoid about my son, my bf and families well-being.
I just pray that they were just nightmares.
I wasn't even on planning on going online but my mom needed an order placed so she send me to starbucks. It's nice and relaxing me time. I needed this. I went to buy a scratcher because I even had a dream about that and luckily I won $20 =D Sometimes nights just get better than days... *sigh* ... I was just a little stressed today with a bill I have to pay. it happens that something went wrong and they had made a mistake so i had to fix it and it was 93.14 and a little unexpected but at least it's up to date and the landlord can stop his whining. I wish my parents can get out of here but when we start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel it ends up just being the reflection of incoming traffic. *sigh* one day... and then I try and finally treat myself for something and sometimes I end up feeling bad... God, I'm praying for a job. I guess we all wish they'd land in our laps but that never hardly ever happens.
oh well, hope you all have a wonderful day or night where ever you are. I'm sorry I haven't stopped by. I need internet to take the time to read and when I come to use the internet I'm usually in a hurry.
I was just thinking earlier about how in my life I always seemed to have more dominant people who love to voice their opinion. And while I was always there they always thought that by the way I thought I automatically had something wrong. I know I’ve always been considered a little different but I don’t quite understand why to this day. I accept it because I can’t be any different than how I am and I know I can’t change or be normal. I mean that’s all based on societal norms so who is to really say that what anybody says it actually accurate? So I’m a little vain sometimes…But who isn't? If we don't love ourselves as ugly as we are who will? Honestly no one will... people are cruel. But I also know I’m not the prettiest girl or the thinnest because I’ve never been. I don’t care about tips on this thank you. I don’t need help. The issue that always use to matter was not what people ever thought about me because I know you all always have opinions and frankly I could careless about them… If I cared about your opinion I would rather give you a knife and just have you tear out my heart while alive because that’s how it always felt. People tearing my heart out and leaving me with a gaping hole. People don’t try and help people unless it’s for their own benefit in one way or another. I learned to think different than the norms because sometimes you can’t quite survive with just living a typical life, happy parents, great siblings, money, all the essentials to be ok… Not everyone is fortunate. And in a way I guess that’s what makes people unique, the background and how strong you are and what your world and life has gained from so much perspective. I’d say I’m very fortunate. I’ve gain a lot of insight on many things in life. But, in no way is that a unfortunate, hardships perhaps but who doesn't learn true happiness from nothingness. I am not victim and anything that happens in life, we either learn to live with it or die in our sorrow. Many people are death in living. I know I've been there. It took me a long time to figure it out. I know for some it’s a lot easier to comprehend and possibly having a spectator outlook just gives you more insight because when you’re going through something that you, yourself, find difficult you just feel so alone in the world and feel that hardly anyone even understands you. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry and that’s when you find out how great of a friend you are because many times you will just find yourself alone in a dark room wishing you were dead instead.
In no way or form do I want you to think or feel that I am sad or depressed , 2013 d. I am not. I'm just thinking in writing. I read a book. Yay! I am very happy, it had been a long long time... It's happens to be one of my favorite persons in the world @Cucumber_melonhead and the book was The Perks of Being a Wallflower ... At first I didn't know what I was going to think but then again you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. I'm not really going to give a summery of the book but the book keeps you engaged with that's going on through the eyes of main Character Charlie... He has had a lot of problems in his life and in many way those who have gone through hardships in their teens can definitely relate and fall into everything he is talking about, his loneliness, Friends, perhaps the peer pressures, the loss of friends and family...
After I read the book. I felt like the whole story was going through my head. And I felt a bit sad but not sad as in depressed but more like a nostalgic feel in which I look back into how much my life has changed and everything that I've grown with all the things that have happened in my life. It's these types of circumstances that make us who we are and we will always have paths to choose from. We can choose the good or the bad and they will both take us in different directions. At the moment it may not feel like there is choice and we make wrong decisions but looking but you notice how different things could have been but at the same time. You are who you are for a reason.
Well what can I say. I still do not have internet at home and I hardly go out to get any so it makes it hard to update this as much as I would want. So many great ideas to write and out the window they go many times. *sigh*
Still no job but slowly working on it. So I'm working on trying to get my lesson's going. I go an give sectionals every other week and the off week I teach lessons so for those I do get paid. It's a sacrifice at times but it's worth it. I got one day with a few students and if all goes well I might add another day to get a few more students and expand their mind. My goal that I promised when I joined my Sorority in College "To bring music into the world" is slowly happening by the students I teach. God has been good. Good things come to those who wait and I'm truly happy. I feel relaxed while slowly applying for what ever I can online. It's hard though because on my limit and how much I can get done in the little time. But slow and steady wins the race and I guess I'm the turtle but that's the good part. I will eventually get there and I will be more happy.
I have the most supportive boyfriend in the world and I'm blessed. I know times are tough for all but he always manages to come and see me and keep me looking forward rather than falling back and not wanting to get up. And God knows he's heard me really down. I was depressed a few nights here and there... and I hate myself because of it, not because I hate myself but because I bring everybody down. I just want some of those thoughts to go away and stop haunting me here and there. I am happy and I don't want those to be obstacles.
My son is great he's going to school and I make sure he does all his homework. We joined this reading club that starts in the first week of October. And life is great. Breathing and taking one day at a time makes everything wonderful.
Just pray for me, send good vibes, or just think positive thoughts or *cross your fingers* for me. I slowly want to start saving money. I know it's positive even with nothing, something is always something...
I've started a payment plan to pay off a credit card debt from so many years... Even with a lil money I get it's hard not to say I can try so I am trying. I want to make everything better. I know if anyone was in my shoes they'd know the kind of pressure I'm in but I'm relax despite the fact. I want work so they can garnish my wages and I can pay off my school loans... those are my biggest nightmares besides the ones where I'vve recently been having in which I die a terrible death and the sadness of leaving all those I love.
Anyways, that was gloomy... yeah. Life is great. Life is great. =D
Well that's it for now. I will beback eventually I promise!
