Sexual Intimacy- Stage 7

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (this wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)  (Stage 1)
2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)  (Stage 2)
3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies) (Stage 3)
4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs) (Stage 4)
5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shares Existence, & Shared Goals) (Stage 5)
6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety) 

7. Sexual Intimacy ( #Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, #Romance, #Copulation & #procreation)

Let's see those hands!  How many of  you are guilty of doing Stages 1,2,3 and jumping to 7? Us too.  You're not alone. Sexual intimacy is about touch (which can be non-sexual like with friends and children) and in the #dating and mating game it's part of the #courtship and #consummation.  There is nothing wrong with doing the 1,2,3,7 dance, if a fast fling or an affair is all you are interested in.[Of course people do this all the time but even though some might be liberated it's NOT ok if you're not comfortable or if you or if you want marriage before. Consider your options.It will make things more beautiful if you wait until you are in the arms of the person you're willing to spend your life with.]  Unfortunately, for many adults it becomes the only way they know how to date and a main reason so many relationships crash and burn, especially in the first six months. Often confused as true intimacy, sexual intimacy is the natural attainment for a couple, which has successfully navigated the first six stages. Anyone can have sex; it takes something special go from physical activity to intimacy. Sexual intimacy involves the full range of sensual perception including #touch,# kiss, #looks, expressions of endearment, (the exchanging of gifts and favors for events and just because), communication, comments and of course, intercourse and #orgasm.  The key to sexual intimacy is sexual liberation, a state that takes time, patience and tremendous #trust to reach.
Sexual liberation is the right to accept or decline advances without fear of ridicule, rape or coercion. If wife withholds sex regularly as a tool of manipulation, sexual liberation  has not been achieved.  If a man withholds sex due to physical problems without making his partner aware of these, such as embarrassment over erectile dysfunction or a lack of desire due to stress, sexual intimacy has not been achieved, (this also would fall under emotional intimacy).  Likewise if a woman continually fakes orgasm and is afraid to talk with her partner about it and seek a solution together...you got it, she and her partner have not achieved sexual intimacy. With sexual liberation, even embarrassing subjects like the inability to orgasm, herpes, past rapes, not being a virgin or being a virgin, sexual fears or loss of function, though difficult to bring up, should never make you feel like you will lose your partner should these be disclosed.  If you feel that telling this issue may cause him/her to leave, you don't have trust.  Without trust, you do not have intimacy.  This is also why waiting to delve into sexual  intimacy is recommended until after you've achieved a majority of elements in the preceding six.  Trust takes time, a lot of time, to develop.
You and your partner achieve sexual intimacy if you can answer  Yes  to all of these situations, (If not married, you do not have to go all the way to achieve sexual intimacy.This is why copulation is not included).
1.  You've seen each other naked with the lights on and are comfortable being naked around each other.
2.  Sexual activity includes kissing, hugging, touching and mutually pleasuring each other.
3.  You share romantic gifts with each other just because.
4.  Foreplay during copulation lasts more than 10 minutes most of the time, (quickies are okay given they are not the only MO)
5.  You know several of your partner's fantasies, likes and dislikes as they pertain to sex.
6.  You've discussed any past or current STD's with your partner that may affect their health.
7.  You are not afraid to try new things, but your partner also respects a decline without repercussions, intimidation or ridicule.
8.  You do not fear being raped, assaulted or maimed by your partner.
QUESTIONS OF RELATING TO SEXUAL INTIMACY
(We recommend these questions be reserved until the 2nd or 3rd date).
1.  Have you ever been to a masseuse? What did you like or not like about it?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means:

1) Tells you if he/she is comfortable enough with his/her body to allow a stranger to touch it 

2) Illustrates a healthy desire for self-pampering and care.

2.  What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Let’s you know how well he/she has been treated by past relationships and what he/she considers romantic.
3.  What is your favorite sensual/erotic movie? (Ex: Last Tango in Paris, Henry & June, Lolita…)
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Speaks to his/her attitudes about sexuality, specifically his/her curiosity and openness.

 

 

 

8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)

when i was little, i didn't have a dad?

Times flies and I have the sense things will get harder. Use to think that I  wanted to have someone in my life so that my son would grow up knowing someone as their dad, someone to be there helping him out but due to my shyness, and circumstance I just had so many other things in life than to devote my life to seeking a life partner. Not my mission in life but it would truly make life easier or happier.
My son just asked me, "When I was little, I didn't have a dad?"  How do you answer that? He does and he doesn't and he does and I can go back and forth with all the answers. So I asked him, "Do you have a dad, now?" and he said, "Yes, he's outside." Referring to my dad... So, it's tough he's 5 yrs 8 months so very close to 6 yrs and starting kinder on  Wednesday. I know kids comes to so many realizations and I know he's growing but so many challenges do scare me a bit.
They're truly unavoidable. But, the thought of those questions will be tough surely.
I also start thinking what will happen if someone comes into my life. Will they be willing to take the challenge of a single mom with her son. Will they try and love my son as their own? They have no choice but to accept if they want me but I wonder if someone can handle the challenge. Will someone ever love me enough to accept me for everything I've got? What i
It's hard to ask someone to do that, I know. I don't even know if I would accept me, lol. Well, I'm biased.
About a year ago I went out on my first official date where the guy came to my house, and rang the door bell, and well my son saw I went out with a guy and threw a fit. He's a very jealous little boy. I'm hoping he will understand but he's still young. I guess my best bet is for who ever comes in does his best to win him over. It isn't too hard but he has to trust you. I think my son's reaction truly did make him realize he wasn't ready and gave me a lesson in motherhood even though he has no kids, and then assumptions of a lot of single mothers... well, you would think that if you saw some similar behavior you would be more understanding with single mothers, it's very easy to judge and try to make others see you points of view yet you wont want a single mother because of it.
oh life how i love thee for the challenges. i know i would avoid people the trouble by staying single but the heart screams out for love and companionship... will my son and I ever be accepted and be truly loved?... I hope so but I don't expect it to fully happen... I guess sometimes I set it up that way just in case. No one wants to be vulnerable enough but there's a point where you know you've past the point of not wanting to turn back and no matter what you want it to happen.
I guess, I have all the experiences as guide and I use other's also. I've very observant and take everything in. I'm a sponge but I also reject a lot. I'm sorry, I'm not very interested usually. it's very rare a person actually catches my eye.
Anyways, yes so many things to look forward to and fear all at once. I try not to think but I can't help it.

Emotional Intimacy- Stage 6

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (this wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)  (Stage 1)
2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)  (Stage 2)
3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies) (Stage 3)
4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs) (Stage 4)
5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shares Existence, & Shared Goals) (Stage 5)

6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)

Many couples never make it to emotional intimacy because it is in emotional intimacy where you must accept the person  for whom he or she is without reservation, flaws, irrationality and all. At this level, you feel comfortable sharing yourself without fear of repercussions. On a daily basis, both parties feel comfortable to voice and share their anger,  happiness, secrets, sensual side and sexual feelings. You know you are loved and love your partner no matter how either of you feel or act.

Here are some common questions to start with:
1.  If your car breaks down, after AAA, whom do you call first? 
2.  If you were fired today, where or to whom would you go to find solace?
3.  If you just got a promotion, with whom would you most want to celebrate?
4.  If a close friend died, with whom would you first share your grief?

If your partner isn't the person you'd think of in any of the events first, chances are, you haven't quite reached emotional intimacy with him or her.  It's about trust and letting another see us at our worst and our best...pretty scary stuff for most people, but critical to a long-term healthy relationship.  Parents especially need to focus on nurturing emotional intimacy with their children.

You & your partner achieve emotional intimacy if you can answer Yes to all of these situations:
1.  In a state of personal fear, uncertainty or danger, your partner is your first call or the person you turn to for comfort.
2.  Crying, showing frustration or anger in front of your partner is okay.  You know he/she will not see you as weak, psychotic, crazy or out of control.
3.  You can speak about sex, secrets and your feelings without a fear of being betrayed, ridiculed, or compromised.
4.  No matter what happens, you know your partner loves you and will not abandon you during a state of crisis, ill health or financial difficulty.
5.  You show or tell each other often through words and actions that you love and respect each other.
6.  Past wrongs are not dredged up in arguments to get even with each other.  The past is discussed, forgiven and left there.
7.  Passive aggressive behavior and name calling does not exist in your relationship.
So what do you do if your relationship isn't quite here yet? Most couples aren't, while others have achieved some parts of Emotional Intimacy but skirted around the others.
Use this to identify areas you want to work on and discuss them with your partner.
QUESTIONS TO DETERMINE EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
1. TO A WOMAN: What does it take for you to feel safe in a relationship?
TO A MAN: What does it take for you to want to grow within a relationship?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you identify the criteria that must be met in order for a relationship to grow.

2. Would you prefer that a person respects and admires you, or would you prefer that a person listens to your feelings and cherishes you?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you who is the masculine energy and who is the feminine energy (does not relate to sexuality or sexual preference). In order for a romantic relationship to be successful, one person must be male energy (respect) and one must be female energy (cherish).
3. Have you ever cried in front of a past partner? If you haven’t, did you think if the situation became such where you wanted to cry you could so without fearing he/she would lose her respect for you?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Clues you into his/her ability to create and cultivate intimacy on a deeper level and whether past relationships have reached this level of trust.
4.  What was the happiest moment in your life? What was the saddest? 
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Allows you to share in the telling of two pinnacle experiences of his/her life, which is emotional intimacy



7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)
8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)

Spiritual Intimacy- Stage 5

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (this wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)  (Stage 1)
2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)  (Stage 2)
3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies) (Stage 3)
4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs) (Stage 4)
5. Spiritual Intimacy ( #Morality, #Ethics, #sharedExistence, & #Sharedgoals)
This is where the relationship really begins. One of the toughest stages to accomplish, many married couples never achieve spiritual intimacy. A lack of it is a key reason many fail to survive. When a couple progresses to this stage, there is a sense and meaning to the relationship. You share similar morals, #values and ethics. Your #futures are now inclusive in both the short term and the long term. Before a couple can reach spiritual intimacy,  each participant in the relationship must have already resolved the struggle with their own identity and defined who they are individually before the two can come together as a common entity. Spiritual Intimacy is where you and I become we. Siblings many  times will be your first introduction to reaching this level.
[It's very important not to rely on a person for happiness. When you find who you are, you will be able to answer your own questions of what you want with where you're going and compromise can be easier or harder if it's not meant to be. You and her or you and him become the actual item as recognized by others as them, almost like one person... not because you're inseparable but because you show each other value and respect that you coincide in a lot.]
You & your partner have achieved spiritual intimacy if you can answer Yes to all of these situations:
1.  When speaking to friends you no longer refer to you and your partner as individuals, you and he/she are we.
2.  You introduce each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife.
3.  You both know who you are and have resolved any mental/psychological, addiction and relationship issues from the past. Codependency does not exist in your relationship.
4.  You have short-term and long-term goals and #objectives based upon your relationship.
[As a couple having goals whether outwardly spoken are very important. You must know that the time invested is leading where you want and it isn't a misguidance. For example, You want to get married and he doesn't. Very conflicting issues. You can't change a person and should never expect a person to change. The first realization is that people or gentlemen don't chane (get that out of your), they only change if they want not not because someone would want them too. But, when you get to know people you will notice whether soem short term and long term goals will be able to be established.]
5.  Your morals and ethics have been articulated to each other and you are in agreement with each other regarding the basic #principles that define each of you.  These do not have to match perfectly, however those not in agreement must be tolerable to each partner. Most people assume spiritual intimacy is  about religious compatibility.  #Religion may play a small part because most religious teachings form our basic #foundations of what is #right and what is #wrong.   If you've found your relationships tend to break up before six months, it is likely you may never have experienced spiritual intimacy.  It is a #trust that takes time to both build and respect.
The following questions will allow you to explore spiritual intimacy with your partner.
QUESTIONS TO EXPLORE SPIRITUAL INTIMACY
1. What is the toughest lesson you have learned in life the hard way?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Clues you into whether he/she reflects upon his/her mistakes and learns from them.
2. Is your faith important to you? Why or why not?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you if religion and spirituality are going to be an issue and if you both are compatible in morals and beliefs.
3. Describe your ideal relationship.
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you understand his or her aspirations and expectations in a relationship.
4.  Have you ever had a partner try to change you? What did you do?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means:

1) Tells you if he/she is confident and likes him/herself 

2) Tells you if he/she is able to recognize manipulation and effectively diffuse it.

5.  What does Marriage mean to you?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you understand his or her aspirations and expectations in a relationship and if his/her ideas are based on realistic achievements or fantasy.
6.  What is the longest period of time you've gone between romantic relationships?  How did you cope with the ending?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Most adults have three serious romantic relationships,(six months or longer.  Anything less than six months is dating and not considered serious) before marrying in Western cultures.  Consider  this the apprentice stage, or marriage on training wheels.  You are learning what it means to love, be loved and work as a team.  You're defining  your  preferences, dislikes, what you are willing to put up with and what is nonnegotiable.  Concurrently each person in the relationship is growing, learning and maturing. Red flagsoccur if the person you are dating never has more than a couple of months between serious relationships andmajor red flags if he/she always has his/her next relationship lined up before leaving the existing one.  Unless you are looking for long-term misery, you do not what a serial relationship expert. Con artists fall in this category and also target others in this category. Generally this indicates a person who needs a relationship in order to feel validated; it is also a sign of co-dependency.
Emotionally and spiritually healthy people will take time to grieve the end of a relationship, learn from it and take steps to better themselves whether through self-help,  classes  or expanding their interests. They can articulate what was good about the relationship and why it didn't work out.  Most importantly they take steps to not repeat the mistakes. They learn from them.
On the opposite end, people with three, five or ten years between relationships also put up red flags, though sometimes there are good reasons like the death of a spouse, the need to care for their children, starting a business or health concerns.  Find out why. Once is normal for life to circumvent relations. More than once can mean you are dealing with someone jaded, who has given up, refuses to trust, has set his/her expectations too high and is overly critical or has difficulty with intimacy.  Most adults will go one to two years between serious relationships.You owe it to yourself to explore your partners' past relationships. It is part of building trust.
[I suddenly feel red flagged at the end. But, I will reiterate that there are good reason why a person can go 6 plus years without a serious relationship and typically it's called life. Once you start building trust or if you have trust with the person ask questions get to know them better. Talk, and don't be shy. If you're thinking about the possibility of spending a life time with a person is better to know them than be surprised. I will say it here why I've been red flagged: it was a hard break-up, a unplanned pregnancy with depression, including trying to Graduate with my music degree while dropping my psych major, followed by no job after grad in 2007(who wants a none working person), my mom had a car accident in 2008 which I took care of her. Dr.s discovered brain tumor,parents lost their house so we were constantly moving (I did a lot of the work), moved 3 times until we got where we're at right now, in end of Feb 2010 headaches for mom got worse, took her for a check up and she was admitted to ICU immediate, that was the 3rd time we had to move... her surgery and day we had to be out of our home were the same day, talk about sympathy from landlords... and so a year and 4 months after, she's doing great. I'm working on myself and my son starts kindergarten. talk about everything settling and falling into a school routine. <--- that is the short version of my life from the last 6-7 yrs or so ... ]


6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)
7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)
8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)


The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis 

Intellectual Intimacy- stage 4

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (this wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)  (Stage 1)
2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)  (Stage 2)
3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies) (Stage 3)
4. #Intellectual Intimacy ( #Hopes, #fears, #opinions, #beliefs )
Reaching intellectual intimacy is the first true test of a relationship and where you first begin to #trust your partner with your deeper self. This is where you share your hopes, fears, opinions and beliefs without fear of ridicule or chastising. It is within intellectual intimacy you learn how to mirror each other, validate the other’s point of topic and engage in ideas. Your closest friendships will also achieve this level of intimacy. Intellectual Intimacy doesn't really have a lot to do with IQ or relative education, though studies have shown in the majority of successful marriage, the man and the woman are within five IQ points of each other. Intellectual Intimacy is about  the core motivations and character of an individual.
You and your partner have solid intellectual intimacy if you can answer Yes to all of these situations:
1.  Both your & your partner know what each of you are afraid( #fears ) of and you both make an effort to keep each other from those situations and stimuli.
2.  Opinions, even those you don't agree on can be stated, argued and acknowledge without fear of ridicule,abandonment or abuse. Especially true for such heated issues as #politics, #religion, #parenting and #sexuality where you may strongly disagree.
3.  Without realizing it, you and your partner often mirror each other's actions, gestures and speaking style.
4.  You know what your partner's life #goals, hopes & #dreams are.
What about religion, which is part of Intellectual Intimacy?  Seeking your spouse, it is perfectly acceptable to state, "I only date Jewish men" or "I only date Christians".  This is not racist and you are not being prejudice; you're being practical.  Relationships are hard enough without mixing in different theologies.  If your beliefs are strong and your faith is a major center of your life, this is referred to as a "non-negotiable", a value or principle you require in a spouse. We recommend having 3-5 non-negotiables (more than five and you are too picky; less and you  are too desperate), which anyone you date must have.
[You start to decide and set your own boundaries. What type of person and what are the deciding factors.]
For myself they were: 1) Christian, (Catholic or Protestant didn't matter as long as he is devote), 2) wants (more) children, 3) college educated or an entrepreneur and 4) highly intelligent.  Everything else like height,  income, likes, dislikes even race fell under preferences and if he had them, were bonuses. Same principle goes for race when we're talking about your life partner.  There is nothing wrong with saying you want your spouse to be Asian, or white or black…this person will be your spouse and the parent of your children.  You are entitled to be picky.  If race is important to you in the conception of children, then make it one of your non-negotiables; but remember you only get five so make them count.
Below are key questions to ask yourself about your partner.  If you can answer all of these by knowing your partners responses, it  means you've explored and established physical intimacy.  Unlike the first 3 stages, questions pertaining to Intellectual Intimacy should be reserved for people you already know, rather than those you are meeting for the first time.
QUESTIONS TO UNLOCK INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY.
1.  What is the biggest misconception people have about you?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Allows you to understand him/her from the perception he/she believes others have of him/her.
2.  Where do you see yourself in ten years?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Clues you in to his/her aspirations, dreams, and goals. Also lets you know if this is a person who defines their destiny or lets others do it for him/her.
3.  What do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Lets you find out what he/she thinks of as important and what his/her values are.
4.  How do you define success?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Lets you find out what he/she thinks of as important and what his/her values are.
5.  Can you define your principles...what do you stand for and why?
What Your Partner's Answers Mean: Very few people can articulate their principles and  these should be easy, off the top of your head in sixty-seconds or less.  If he or she can, you are dealing with a person who is not easily manipulated, strong in conviction and thinks critically. Principles can change over time due to new information and  experiences.  They are dynamic  rather  than static, yet they remain the benchmark each of us measures our decisions against.
6. Where do you stand on, (pick any hot topic from current events) and why is  that  your position?
What Your Partner's Answers Mean: This will tell you if he or she thinks critically or if he or she simply parrots the pundits, whether he/she consults both sides of an argument, where his or her values lie and what he or she stands for.
This is the definition of a "loaded question".  A well-informed person should be able to argue both sides of any topic effectively and then through an explanation of his or her principles explain with facts why he or she thinks that way.  Someone who thinks critically will  avoid propaganda techniques  like  name-calling/characterizations, speaking broadly with no verifiable facts, (a critical thinker will know where the facts came from though he or she may need to do some work to provide them) and filibustering...talking over your points and not allowing you to justify your position.
By the way, an honest person with intellectual curiosity, should it be an issue he/she is not well versed in, (everyone has his/her areas of knowledge and unknowns) will state something along the lines of, "I don't know enough about that issue to give you an opinion at this time.  Tell me what you think about it and why you choose  that position."  This also tells you the person is open minded and willing to learn, which is a good thing.
Pay close attention to the answers to these questions.  Serious relationship problems begin with incompatibilities in Intellectual Intimacy. They will tell you more about the real person in front of you and give you a solid insight to the person behind the public image he or she portrays.


5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shared Existence, & Shared goals)
6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)
7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)
8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)


The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis 

Recreational Intimacy -Stage 3

Recreational Intimacy

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (his wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)  (Stage 1)
2. Aesthetic Intimacy (Arts, style, Culture, General Compatibility)  (Stage 2)

3. #Recreational #Intimacy (#Shared interests, #sports & #Hobbies)

Many of your friends or close clients will reach this level. The people you spend time with, go to #games with, to the #movies, #shopping or share #common-interests constitute recreational intimacy. For couples, both partners will have several common interests, while reserving others for themselves. But what happens if she is into extreme sports and he prefers to paint and read?
Having both common and separate activities is crucial to success.  Even married couples need activities that they do by themselves or with friends that do not include the spouse. This helps each in the relationship to maintain his or her unique identity and provides a mini vacation from couplehood, even if that vacation is only an hour or two.
Likewise, having shared activities is one of  the most wonderful things about being a couple. It means you almost always have someone to share activities with. The objective of recreational intimacy is to find enough in common with the other person that you will enjoy your time together.  This can be current activities or things you'd like to try.

You & your partner enjoy recreational intimacy if you both can answer Yes to all of these situations:
1.  You both enjoy spending time together and it really doesn't matter what you do.
2.  You can name your partner's favorite sports, movies and leisure activities.
3.  You both have activities you enjoy together and those you reserve for yourself and your friends.


(in reference to an activity you do with friends doesn't have to be shopping or watching sports)
4.  You do not get upset if your partner spends occasional time without you pursuing his/her own interests.
5.  You enjoy exploring new experiences with your partner.

Below are key questions to ask yourself about your partner.  If you can answer all of these by knowing your partners responses, it  means you've explored and established recreational intimacy.  These are also great questions for parties and gatherings.  People love to speak about what they are passionate about.  Activities associated with recreational intimacy are often the very activities that a person loves and lives to do.
QUESTIONS TO ESTABLISH RECREATIONAL INTIMACY
1.  What is the most extreme activity you have ever participated in?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you how much of a risk taker he or she is and whether you are compatible in this area of risk tolerance.
2.  What is your fondest memory from childhood of your father?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Clues you into his/her relationship with his/her father and what activities hold a special sentiment for him/her.
3.  Do you have any hobbies? What are they?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you identify if he or she has interests outside of work or if work is his/her primary means of fulfillment.
4.  What would you like to do that you haven’t done yet?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you understand if his/her dreams and goals are compatible with yours.
5.  If you won the lottery tonight, what is the first fun activity you would do?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Helps you understand if his/her dreams and goals are compatible with yours.
6.  Who is your favorite athlete and why?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Identifies the type of spectator sports he/she enjoys but also gives you an insight into Stage 4, Intellectual Intimacy and what characteristics he/she admire


4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs)
5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shared Existence, & Shared goals)
6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)
7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)
8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)


The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis 

2-Aesthetic Intimacy- General Compatibility

The Eight Stages of Intimacy

[To achieve a successful relationship] 

 [ This is a long post so I am going to separate it into 8 different days or sections which talk about the individual 8 stages of how a relationship is created into intimacy (not sexual) (his wasn't written by me)  and then link them all together]

[Italics is my writing -FYI]

1. Physical Intimacy (Looks, etiquette, charisma)

2. Aesthetic Intimacy (#Arts, #style, #Culture, #General #Compatibility)

Have you ever met a new friend and been amazed at all of the interests you have in common? This is #aesthetic intimacy. To reach this level, you begin to get to know the other person’s tastes in music, clothes, food, art and many other areas. If you ever want to find out if you are aesthetically compatible with a potential mate, go to a furniture store, art gallery or even a clothing store to find out what styles each of you like.
Aesthetic Intimacy is your first look into #compatibility.  For example, if nice furniture and quality goods are important to you, getting  into a relationship with someone who doesn't care about appearances and considers cheap to be adequate is a recipe for trouble. Other possible conflicts arise with tastes, like music.  If she likes Rap and only listens to this type of music, and you can't stand it, but listen to everything else, you can read this as an opportunity to expand her horizons, a  torture chamber for your ears or as an indication she is closed to new ideas and experiences.
You & your partner are aesthetically compatible if you both can answer Yes to all of these situations:
1.  Your choices in music, theater, art and home furnishings/decor though they may not be exactly the same, are tastes each of you can appreciate, live with and share together.
2.  Your differences in nutritional preferences are politically and theologically compatible.
3.  Your clothing styles, body ornamentation and jewelry choices are complimentary and do not cause embarrassment to each other. (i.e.: an attorney or business executive will have a difficult time taking a spouse to a function if he or she adorns with nose rings, visible tattoos or purple hair).
Below are key questions to ask yourself about your partner.  If you can answer all of these by knowing your partners responses, it  means you've explored and established aesthetic intimacy.  These are also great questions for parties and gatherings when you want to learn about new people.

QUESTIONS FOR UNCOVERING AESTHETIC INTIMACY
1) What is your favorite type of food?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you if you’ll enjoy eating with this person and also alerts you to possible problems. Example: Vegan’s don’t tend to do well with meat lovers.
2) Thinking about your home, would you describe yourself as:

a.  A neat person

b.  A creatively organized but somewhat housekeeping-challenged person

c.  Your mother’s worst nightmare?

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Let’s you decide if his/her lifestyle will be compatible with yours or
if arguments about housekeeping will become a way of life.
3) Who is your favorite author and why?
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you if he/she reads, what type of stories he/she likes and also gives you a glimpse into his/her educational background and lifestyle choices. I.E. Likes DH Lawrence. He/she reads classic literature, is educated and enjoys foreplay, adventure and sensual sex
4) Name your top 5 favorite Movies (play, painter etc) of All Time:
What Your Partner’s Answer Means: Tells you what type of stories he/she likes, gives you a glimpse into his/her educational background, morals and lifestyle choices.
5) If you had $25,000 to furnish a home with, where would you shop?

a.  Levitz, Ikea, Sears or comparable Store

b.  Through the want ads looking for Estate and Garage Sales

c.  Ethan Allen, Thomasville, Expressions or other comparable store

d.  Custom or unfinished furniture store

e.  Boutiques and Antique Shops

What Your Partner’s Answer Means: If he/she chooses

a.  Quantity of furnishings over quality.  Budget minded and time constrained. Not big on decorating or status; prefers out of the box solutions. Middle class mindset.

b.  Bargain Hunter: Likes to find unique and eclectic items, enjoys the hunt and adventure.  Never pays retail or full price.  Adventurer mindset and crosses all socio-economic levels

c.  Quality and prestige are important, fewer pieces but better quality. Status important. Buys for the long term but still budget minded; upper middle class mindset.

d.  Likes unique & unusual.  Wants items that reflect individuality or enjoys creating. Upper middle class mindset or consummate do-it-yourselfer

e.  Connoisseur.  Looks for very high quality and legacy items.  Would rather own one or two good pieces than a household.  Upper middle class or prestige mindset.

 [She describes this pretty well. Which is also something you can have in common with friends which is why it's important. It establishes a unique compatibility in which if it's a friend you can shop or help each other decide but it's a potential love interest you find out more about them and their personality. We know for the most part gentlemen hate shopping (hey so do I, actually) but it's still a nice way to learn more about each other and possibly the trust you can have with each other. We don't want a "yes" man or women so tastes and opinions are very important. Especially if this leads to a stable relationship and you will create a home environment. Clashing and compromising would be beneficial at the beginning not when it's too late.]
  
3. Recreational Intimacy (Shared interests, sports & Hobbies)

4. Intellectual Intimacy (Hopes, fears, opinions, beliefs)

5. Spiritual Intimacy (Morality, Ethics, shared Existence, & Shared goals)

6. Emotional Intimacy (Feelings, Trust, Security, Safety)

7. Sexual Intimacy (Touching, sexual liberation, Physical contact, Romance, Copulation & procreation)

8. Unconditional Love (Love & Support without Strings, Expectations and Regrets)


The eight Stages of Intimacy by Laura Lewis