How do you make love stay?

You can never make love stay. Even if you change, if you do everything they want... sometimes it's easier to let it go. Many people try and try and continue to change things to accommodate. But, they never realize that it only keeps you holding for longer time but when the string is cut.... it's over.

  
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So sometimes in life we all think we're ok and then things turn to worse but we find it ok because we all get through it and we all go through it in a life time no matter what. Well after my mother's accident in late july I couldn't think anything worse could come along but I guess it's one of those things that just happen and things can't change, right? So, on thursday this giel came to us for refuge because she has no home and no one to help her out and of oucrse where one person eats another can too. We have a little but we'll share what we can. So yesterday we go to church and for some odd reason I was compelled to buy my self a bible. I did! Well we came home and there was the argument that there was nothing to eat, of course the usually, coming from one of my sibling. We never have anything and he os oh so starving.Which is bullshit because we do but he is not willing to work with us to make it happen. Anyways, so my dad was able to give them money and they went to buy chinese food which in a way made me mad. I earn a little bit of money but I am the one who is buying the food for everybody in the household. Something is needed and I go fuckin' buy it. And, on top of that shit I have to hear critism. Well fuck man. I don't give a fuck if they're  fuckin' 16. Help around the house, damn it! You're not the only that is suffering. They complain they have no clothes but they get something every once in a while. Well, fuck, I haven't been able to buy anything in over 2 fuckin' years. I invest every little dime I have in my son. People say well it's your fault. NO, fuck you. It's my responsibilty. My son comes first, my family comes first, and I come last. Sure sometimes we have to be a little selfish but tell me is it worth to take away the food for the family so I can have glamour for a mother fuckin' day"? Is it?
Now, to top that off yesterday some people from the bank that my dad had gotten the loan for the house came. And of course I am always the one that knows what is going on. I didn't expect this next thing. I thought it had been resolved and we were going to be able to fix it all... I put a lit of time working out the paper work to try and make it right. Well yesterday this ill-perfect world came apart. Well, just like many people's worlds did. They had my parents sign paperwork and tell us that we have to be out by Nov. 15. That's it they said it's over and the house belongs to the bank there is nothing you can do about it. We lost the house and so far we have no where to live in. Well you know what it's about time. We needed to more change. WE need to realize that in order to improve ourselves we need to make changes, we need to grow up. We need to think of ourselves and forget about everybody else. We have been fucked over so manytimes by friends, relatives... let us borrow money and we'll pay you back with interest. Well yeah, it's gone...

So, I have come up with my own conclusion. Which my the way I have been told my many, many people. I know I am submissive, I know I try to worry about others when I should be more worried about my self. I know, I know but it's time I care more about those in my path than those who have no future in it. It's true. I have worked hard to be ok with the pleasing eye and I kill myself more and more trying to make everything happen. To accomodate everything and everybody and their twisted world. Some just run away and leave the load for another person and that is just cowardly. But, like everybody has issues, problems, pasts there is no asking for help; it's more like taking it by force.

I have been a very, extremely, overtly, patient person. I deal with crap. I keep these secrets that I gave to God now because I didn't want them. I gave up a lot to be at peace with God. I am not the most religious person but I understand the differnt points of view and realize that no matter what He will be there for me. I realize that people use people for their advantages but when help is asked for all you see is the dust form their departure. Sometimes I wondered why did I help so-and-so person....wehere is the help I need when I need to talk, let out anger, cry. I mean I don't have to cry today. I cried yesterday but why it doesn't matter anymore. Today we started packing things. A month goes by like nothing. A moving sale...hey sure why not...this saturday.... Where are we going to go with now 8 people in the house? I don't know. Renting right now is more than a mortage... that is ridiculous.

Anyways, Rest in Peace... senora Orosco... my friend's grandmother died on thursday from cancer. May she be in peace and give her family the strength. And, I also pray for my grandpa who is turning on the corner towards the other world. He also has the cancer soread over his whole body.

Things will get better for everybody. It's just small bumps on the road. I still have hope that some people will change... I still do. But even some big things aren't enough...We strive for change and the well-being of most...

If times weren't hard anyways. Well today I was cleaning the living room and this girl comes. My mom and I met her and her mom a while back and my mom and I were wondering about them but never expected this...Well she left her house because there are too many issues and was living somewhere else but now has no where to go... Man how it sucks. I really feel bad for her. So she came and asked to stay here and we can't say no because she has no where but we also have no room. We a family of 7 barely have room. All we can do is pray and ask everything getting better for everybody. Hard times....

How can you tell if your marriage or relationship is over?

Well  in some cases Marriage and a relationship are completely different because there is different types of commitment level. A relationship is over when there the communication is gone, there is lost of interest and for most cases the one person loses interest and they start avoiding you...

And During marriage, they have both made of commitment so it's a lot harder to get out of but the weird thing is that the marriage isn't over because there is cheating there is just a lack of something in the relationship. A marriage is over when there is no understanding, no communication.... When a person stops supporting their loved one, or the loved one feels there is no support things start going down hill special if there is no good communication. A marriage is over when no one wants intimacy, they don't want to sleep in the same bed, anything says is made into an argument. Hostile environment....
  
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What is the meanest thing your parents had said to you?

Well I remember it was just a couple years back when my son was younger and I was still trying to figure out the whole mothering thing. I mean he was only a few months old but I didn't always know what he wanted and he would cry and I know it would bug the shit out of people because I would get frustrated at times as well. Well the baby was crying and my dad had just come from work and I guess he was tired also. He heard the baby crying and told me to do something about it and I told him I didn't know how to stop him I did everything I could. He told me I didn't know how to be a mother. That broke my heart and I know I cried the whole night. Well of course I didn't know how my baby is my first and I was still learning. When they brought me up I am sure they didn't know things either. Well anyways to me that was the meaning and most hurtful thing I have heard... Besides, the things my mom told me... I am shameful, disgrace...blah, blah, blah... you know but those thing never hurt as much as the words my dad says. He is a  quiet man but when he says something it always means down to business.

  
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If you wanted to erase one of your memories, which would it be and why?

If I could really forget something of all the memories I have it would be how some made me so happy and wanted. Yeah I know that is something that is rather strange to ask for but sometimes it's all we need to move forward and keep going without ever looking back and thinking the what-ifs. It would just make the sorrow be sorrow and give the new happiness of the world be appreciated more, well for me.

  
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Last night I was watching Sweeny Todd. Wow it's just amazing. I just love all of Johnny Depp's movies. He is an amazing actor and just fits the role. WOW! I love him...