So I am a little tired but finally happy that I "start working" on thursday well officially. Dang going just drains me. I am so tired today I want to go to sleep...  I think I have to go wash and I am doing some rearranging. Well I took down all the pictures I had threw alway the things I used to hold them up, not the frames and put them all in boxes. I didn't do that do all of them but well most of them. I only kept so far me and Danny and well just the most recent ones... Need new pictures... so cold, so tired and I want to go to Minnesota for a long ass vacation... maybe live there. I need to leave for real. I have nothing here and I am sure there are better things out. I don't know, something will come up real soon!!

Just another day... I just put Danny to put for his daily nap. And I woke up not too early but not too late but ready for washing and taking care of business... It's a nice day, the sun is out yet it feels a little chilly outside. The is the best day for me. Today is a good day... thanks! Tomorrow, work and I am hoping it shall be another good day as long as the other half of the kids pay...haha! Man, so I need money. I am tired of hearing the creditor call... I need to fix that asap... I wish I would win lotto, pay it all off and if I am back to square one it would be ok because I at least wouldn't have the debt that's been burdening my everyday... Funny thing is that I at least know that I will be ok in 10 years but it sad to think of it in that way because by then I will have accumulated more debt if I go back to school at I so claim I will. Sometimes I think school was a waste of time then I start thinking and realize that it wasn't. So far it has been a slow start and if I would have been a music teacher like I started out majoring in I would have been teaching somewhere but I took a different route. And although I am always criticized by this person I know I am better doing what I like and I will slowly start getting money. People are making it and what if I just don't want to work hard for little money when I know I could do better. I am not going to settle for less than nothing knowing of the potential we all have. Right now I earn $10 an hour for a while, I guess it's not a bad start but it's only twice a week but then I am going to get paid for being band assistant which I will get paid a lump sum... and on top of that I am teaching private lesson there to. I have 3 jobs in one which I do twice a week. I think it's not too bad... I enjoy all of them and the best part is that 2 of the jobs are paid by the district of Fontana and the other one the kids pay. For me Life isn't better than that although the hard part will be when I will have to start looking for another job if I didn't pass my CBEST. To be honest I am a little nervous to see what my score was. When I left that testing facility  9 days ago I was so confidant I will well and I was happy. I had time to look over my work until tuesday and I went to work. I paraphrased the questions to an the english teacher I work for and we started discussing what I wrote about and then we came to a realization that those writing prompts were a little difficult and I may have not answered them in full as they might have wanted. I am anxious to find out so I can sign up and take it again or start applying to be a substitute. Although a little nervous, I am still keeping my fingers crossed!!!

Well yesterday was an alright day. It was my sis's b-day and it was nice. I finally bought an memory card for my camara because my other one went corrupt... but yeah. Evening was alright with the exception of a jerk but nothing new about that. Well my sis's celebration continues today and since last saturday. My mom made her delicious posole because my sister wanted but yeah.

Well this thursday is my official day that I will be working for FUSD. which is nice because it gives me hope for my first pay check from them. I ask least know that I will get 2 checks of the same time for the both jobs I do :D ... they will be nice, no doubt about it... but sadly but it's only a temp job... but it's fine because now that I am in the district I can qualify for those other jobs that I couldn't get into before... YAY!

close to you

Why do birds

Suddenly appear?

Everytime you are near

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you



Why do stars

Fall down from the sky?

Everytime you walk by

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you



(*) on the day that you were born

The angels got together and decided

To create a dream come true

So they sprinkled moondust in your hair

Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue



(**) that is why all the girls in town

Follow you all around

Just like me

They long to be

Close to you



Repeat (*)

Repeat (**)



Just like me

They long to be

Close to you



Woo... close to you...

~The Carpenters


This is how I feel... although so far away and no one to hear
I say this to myself. When I am near you I just feel the song coming alive
just as it did to Homer the first time he saw Marge. I know our paths may have
been close to cross at one point in our lives but realistically I know they will never
come that close again. *sigh* This is one of those songs that makes me just so happy
I cry of sadness... yeah, so happy I get sad...

Well I can't say that yesterday felt anything like valentine's day except for the fact that I saw so many men buying chocolate and flowers for who I would assume would be their wife... hehe. Although I am not to complain I don't care I don't get anything or even more on the fact that I don't have someone special. I mean I guess now, I find it sweet to see couples... it's cute but then I think at they newly bf/gf so they are making each other happy or a more mature couple and then I think I wonder what problems they have at home that we don't see... I just figured that my life is so much easier just being me and Danny, seriously. Some might think that as negative or positive, I don't know but that is that. Right now I am just happy and why shouldn't I be everything is finally looking up and falling into place. And all I have to say is,"It's about god damn time!"...

I wish you all love

<I wish you love>
I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love
And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love.
by Rachael Yamagata.... movie PRIME
Well here it is again... Valentine's day! Although I do not hope the same joy that many others whole I can say that I wish them all happiness. I cannot say that I am happy all the time but it's true that I am only happy for everyone. I know what I have and what I don't have it's only a cause of me. I see many people running happy and holding hands and at points I just stand there and think that I want the same thing and I just hope for someone but then I realize that in reality I am not willing to do the work to find that one special, it's not worth not for me right now. I don't know of anybody understands but I know everybody has their problems and issues. I mean I have seen the most perfect family and couple break in my eyes of disillusion. I can happen to all and that makes me realize just so many things about life. I am not afraid to love but I am not easily convince that they are worthy of my time. See I have learn to realize that my time is very valuable and it shouldn't just be handed to anybody. Sure, there is always one person that regardless I would but just the same I think and I fall back into my routine of living life. With finally being official in the Fontana School District on Thursday Feb. 21, I am happy because I will finally get paid but all that I endured to get to that point... :( I am just busy enough to spend time at home with Danny and my family. And that is just it, you can say I am just a tamed kitten who wants to stay home and relax with everyone. I love going to movies and spending time with friends but I prefer not spending the money on that and just cook for everyone. Love cooking, a small hobby I love to do for others. I don't know if I cook well but people eat it so I am happy... well... yeah! I'll probably to be too tired after work tomorrow to think it's the day dedicated to L-O-V-E...

Man, I am so tired today... long day at school! Well not my school but a whole lot of reading essays, grading some english tests, grading math and then teaching some lessons... exhausted. May not seem like much but mentally draining for sure... no doubt. And, yet, although I get tired I still like it better than many other jobs I have ever had. Oh yeah, so I took my CBEST on saturday and I finished it with an hour to spare and although I left so confident from the testing area, I am beginning to have my doubts now especially in the essays parts... oh well! I guess if anything I'll just do that section over!